Trying not to live a life of dissipation and brainrot edition
How are you holding up?

not good but thanks for asking

I'm ok. At least I don't have to worry about money or working. Actually I'm blessed because I know lots of neets don't have the luxury of being left alone. How are you?

l’appel du vide

P8852
What's up anon? What's getting you down?
P8854
Lucky. It's funny because lots of neets paradoxically end up valuing the little money they do have even more than they would value it while working. With me at least I'm so hyper aware of the exact amount I have and how to spend it effectively. What are your circumstances like? Are you from a rich family or something? I remember the best I ever felt while being a hikki was while covid lockdowns were a thing because the pressure from my parents eased drastically, I couldn't even get a job even if I wanted to, nor was I vaxxed. Do you mean you have the luxury of being left alone in that sense? Or are you just financially independent or something?
>How are you?
Doing okay I suppose

>l’appel du vide
noooo don't kill yourself...you're such a valued member of the lambdaplusjs community
>“Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it; marry or don’t marry, you will regret it either way. Laugh at the world’s foolishness, you will regret it; weep over it, you will regret that too; laugh at the world’s foolishness or weep over it, you will regret both. Believe a woman, you will regret it; believe her not, you will also regret it… Hang yourself, you will regret it; do not hang yourself, and you will regret that too; hang yourself or don’t hang yourself, you’ll regret it either way; whether you hang yourself or do not hang yourself, you will regret both. This, gentlemen, is the essence of all philosophy.” ―Søren Kierkegaard

One must imagine Kierkegaard happy

>regret
But what is regret based in? The human brain's ability to project forward and backward in time. Most other organisms have little to no ability in this.
On the upside, it helps you plan for the future or enjoy pleasant memories of the past. On the downside, it allows you to endlessly play out the "what if" scenarios and this, coupled with the mind's propensity to find problems [spoiler: e.g. a hunter/gatherer thinking there might be a leopard behind the bushes] this will always leave room for regret.

The solution is to just accept regret and not make a fuss over it.

ohoho dispensing advice again

I took at shower and shaved, washed my bedding and clothes so my room doesn't smell quite as much like someone dumped a pint of rancid oil on the floor.

For the next few days I pass as normalish.

>>P8924
I'm like that actually. I don't really ever go anywhere or do anything, but I live like I'm still in college. That means I spend hours at the store going down every aisle looking for clearance items. I think it's fun. I'll also wait months to buy like a book on Amazon when it goes on sale because I just have nothing better to do. I have a six figure net worth. I still lurk /pmg/ on /biz/ but I closed out of most everything I had last year (picrel) so I don't bother with the rest of /biz/ anymore. I live with my boomer who also (independently) has a six figure net worth and is retired and sometimes goes on long vacations. I care for my boomer like a good son but also because I just don't have anything better to do. I just wish I could have an anime girl to love and cherish.

P8930
>fagmin doesn't move this one
so now we know it's you. good.
and please refer back to P8938

P8929
>The solution is to just accept regret and not make a fuss over it.
Accept regret and not make a fuss over it, you will regret it: don't accept regret, you will also regret it; accept regret or don't accept regret, you will regret it either way. Are you accepting regret itself or whatever it is that is making you feel regret? I assume the former, and in that case even if you "accept" it, that doesn't really take the edge off regret. If I regret never having tried to get a job when I'm 30, and I accept regret, that doesn't really do anything, I'm still wishing that I had got a job even if I say to myself that it is normal that I would wish that. What actually brings solace is accepting that you would have regretted either option, so you end up accepting that you never got a job, or that you started working, because you would regret it either way. And I don't think that's accepting regret, but it is accepting your current circumstances. But through acceptance of your current circumstances you are by extension removing all your feelings of regret, which is not the same as accepting regret itself? At least I don't think so. Could you explain what the acceptance of regret would be like and what it would achieve, if you think I've misunderstood what you are saying.
Also stop thinking about your existence through such a shallow lens as evolutionary psychology, you're more than just an evolved monkey. I mean that in the least pejorative way possible.
P8936
Good job. How do you spend all your time anon?
P8930
Seems the thread was busy lol

P8924
>I'm so hyper aware of the exact amount I have and how to spend it effectively
P8946
>I'll also wait months to buy like a book on Amazon when it goes on sale
Why I ain't like this?
I throw away money making offline deals because I refuse to use amazon, where prices are lower.

P8949
Sorry, I only skimmed your textwall but I think I got the gist of it.
Accepting regret doesn't mean all the pain magically disappers. First, you should simply understand what is causing the regret and no, it's not your intellectual machinations as your reasoning suggests. Refer back to my previous post as it's explained there.
Most of mental pain comes from fighting against it or rejecting it too hard. If you can do something about it (not theoretically, but actually do something) that's one thing, but if you can't do anything about it because of circumstances or lack of willpower then just accept the pain and it will be a lot less than constantly berating yourself like some pathetic stockholm syndrome cuck.

>>P8949

{insert schizo narrative of the week}

I write angry messages online and get under people's skin while telling them something they don't know, but need to know.

>Sorry, I only skimmed your textwall
disgusting
despicable
deplorable
an anon spends time and effort to reply to your post and you dont even have the decency to properly read it? utterly unforgivable
shit like this is why i dont really wanna bother with writing textwalls anymore, all my construction workers friends are ima and everybody else is incapable of giving textwalls the appreciation they deserve
i dont remember the last time i saw a faggot-chan or denpa post in here
faggot-chan i know he is busy with life and will probably take a while to show up again
but idk in where denpa @
also anao has been rather quiet lately
and thats about the only people worth talking to at length in here
there are the /tech/ schizos too, i suppose
eh whatever i dont really see whats the point in engaging the threads that a basically just rehearsing BIG TECH BAD DECENTRALIZATION GOOD they are just preaching to the choir
even the bait posted there is so low quality i dont even wanna bite it for fun

P8954
didn't read

prepending >> to a post is the new namefag gimmick

btw i know i'm being a hellish and awful meanie so maybe if i'm lucky, fagmin will move this post to a new thread about me

P8849
>How are you holding up?
by a thread [spoiler: pun intended, and i mean this one 5478]
lately my days have either been pure misery or gray blurs punctuated by a few distraction to keep the suicidal thoughts at bay
if you have read my recent blogging you know that loneliness has been consuming me and i have been struggling to figure out what to do about it
it has gotten a little better after i started beating my meat like it owns me money again, so maybe it was just the blueballs speaking, but i dont like this state of affairs
i feel like i need to keep myself sedated to stop myself from thinking dark thoughts all the time, no different than a chronic alcoholic
but apart from that, my life is pretty alright
i also dont have to worry about money or food and generally am pretty comfortable, and maybe that's part of the problem, having no struggle adds to the existential ennui
well, i supposed chronic loneliness counts as a struggle, one that i have zero idea how to go about solving, so i have that to loom over me all the time
im not a neet anymore, but i used to be one, and ironically i was way more satisfied with my life back then
probably because i didnt have to deal with people all the time and be constantly reminded that i was not made to live in this world and that god probably put me here as a joke character on his cosmic theater or something
at least when i spent all day online it was just me and my fellow e-frens, so i never felt displaced because i was among likeminded people who i could feel comfortable being myself around
but now i have to be surrounded by normies most of the time and feel like an alien infiltrating human colonies in disguise
i wonder if this is how the zucc feels
it used to be funny to laugh at him acting robotic, but now videos of him being awkward in public just hit differently, like this one /watch?v=smE4_jXsABs, its painfully obvious that he is completely out of his element there and i know its a meme at this point to make fun of him for moments like this, but now i just feel really bad for him because i know how it is to be in a situation like that and not know what to do or say, it just feel pretty bad
well, at this point ig im used to it enough that i can power through moments like that mostly unscathed, i mean, the awkwardness doesnt get to me as much because i tend to turn it up to 11 so it relieves the tension by making everything seem like a funny act
uh i think i was gonna say something but i forgot
anyway last month i tried really hard to be sociable and shit like that, but i dont think it paid off
maybe i tried too hard, but fuck it, i dont really wanna try anymore
i used to look down on shutin neets that dont bother trying to get their life back on track and just complain about it online, but now i get, there comes a point where the frustration is just too great and your willpower cracks
>regret
you know, i have thought about this before
there are many things in life that i regret doing or not doing, but i think that regardless of anything, i would always find a way to be dissatisfied with how mu life currently is
humans are such wretched beings, never capable of being happy with what they have, always wanting more or different, then looking back and thinking they used to be content when they had less
even buddhist monks are looking for enlightenment or nirvana or whatever, meaning they are not satisfied with just being the way they currently are
and i guess this eternal buzzing in the back of the mind is what keeps humans doing things, because if someone was absolutely happy, hed probably just die because there is nothing left for him to do
there is this meme among soyence enthusiasts that we are the eyes and ears of the universe, we exist so that things can be experienced
and they say it like thats a good and desirable thing, that the universe needs to be experienced by sentient beings and that consciousness needs to be preserved
but does it really tho?
has anyone ever asked if the universe consents to that?
because given how ruthless the laws of nature are and how they are basically constantly trying to eradicate all life off the universe, im pretty sure that if anything, the universe actually hates consciousness
maybe that why to life is to suffer
this is our punishment for our defiance towards nature itself

P8955
didn't ask

P8964
>pure misery
>gray blurs
>suicidal thoughts
>loneliness has been consuming me
>i have been struggling
>blueballs
>i dont like this state of affairs
>need to keep myself sedated
>thinking dark thoughts all the time
>no different than a chronic alcoholic

[bold: but apart from that, my life is pretty alright]






>im not a neet anymore
get out

P8967
lmao yea ok when you put it like that it cracked me up too

P8950
>Why I ain't like this?
>I throw away money making offline deals because I refuse to use amazon, where prices are lower.
Luckily you got the spendthrift trait. Being tight is annoying, I deliberate about buying books for months before I actually buy them. But only because I have no money.
P8951
He was betrothed to Natasya wasn't he? When abouts does he say this? It reminds me though, my edition was a really old Maude translation so I did a double take for Andrei, because my edition anglicized all the names, Andrei became Andrew, Nastasya became Natasha, and so on. Apparently German translations Germanize everything that way as well but to the nth degree. Do you like W&P better than AK btw?
P8953
Just remember that everyone in the computer is also a real life person. Can't say I don't do that as well lol.
P8954
Yeah, also he used machinations wrong, or he meant it and it's a stupid assertion.
P8964
>by a thread
lol
>if you have read my recent blogging you know that loneliness has been consuming me and i have been struggling to figure out what to do about it
I think nearly ever anon on imageboards suppresses, represses or ignore these feelings or they deal with them through coping mechanisms such as self aggrandizement (like "i'm not a normalnigger" "I'm not base enough to feel such emotions" stuff like that), but they will eventually surface and since they have never ever been validated they will be incredibly difficult to deal with and properly process. Make sure to always be honest with your emotions, even it does mean you are just normalfag or niggercattle etc. Don't mistake your shallowness and cowardice for superiority (not directed at P8964 btw, just in general). Be gentle with yourself.
>i feel like i need to keep myself sedated to stop myself from thinking dark thoughts all the time, no different than a chronic alcoholic
but apart from that, my life is pretty alright
And like you go on to say, because you're not a neet anymore, and you can no longer exist in a world where your differences aren't thrust into your face 24/7, these feelings become a thing again. It's like when you get better, or socially intergate yourself, the very same things that made you withdraw in the first place, and there waiting for you, possibly in a worse way than you left them, because you have been hiding in your room for however many years.
>probably because i didn't have to deal with people all the time and be constantly reminded that i was not made to live in this world
That is insanely relatable. That's the worst thing about "getting better" it's like everything that you were previously suppressing is no longer possible to ignore.
>i tend to turn it up to 11 so it relieves the tension by making everything seem like a funny act
And then you're never able to show anyone your true self, because you're acting out a mock exaggeration of yourself in order to defend against being hurt, or absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions.
>there comes a point where the frustration is just too great and your willpower cracks
Yeah it becomes really hard after a certain point. I think anyone who has been a neet for long enough knows that it is a hellish existence. It's mainly the inhibition, repression and self denial that makes it hellish. And you always see people crack as well. How many times has an anon professed how lonely he was, how much he just wanted friends etc etc, after such an extended time of not feeling these feelings, of denying them and acting as if he had never felt them, only to be called a normalnigger and told to fuck off by other anons. It's just sad really.
>i would always find a way to be dissatisfied with how mu life currently is
pretty much.
>humans are such wretched beings, never capable of being happy with what they have, always wanting more or different, then looking back and thinking they used to be content when they had less
Lol, a period of my life when I was at my lowest and incredibly mentally ill, I now look back on fondly as if they were the good days.
I'm going to reply to rest of what you wrote later.
P8967
>but apart from that, my life is pretty alright
lol
>get out
See I'm a prophet, what did I just write. The endless cycle. BUT this is the hikki thread.

P8956
They also remove the P
>>8955

methinks you'll be needing this, lads

P8964
Wacky stuff. Have you considered the possibility you need to consult?

P8972
>I deliberate about buying books for months before I actually buy them.
wtf? do you actually pay actual real money for books?
you do know book are the easiest media to pirate these days, right?
probably because the information-to-filesize ratio is to high compared to all others
>I think nearly ever anon on imageboards suppresses, represses or ignore these feelings
yea i dont think anyone living a decent life goes to ibs, especially not darknet ibs
its funny that whenever an anon ascends he never comes back unless his life gets fucked up again
>coping mechanisms such as self aggrandizement
i think it is so common because it is much easier to redefine good and bad than to get your shit together
isnt that basically how slave morality was created? slaves had to cope with their situation by turning things like submission, patience, humility into virtues so they feel superior to their masters
they are still getting whipped on the daily tho
because the alternative is to accept that you are bad for locking yourself up all day and having no life and others are good for actually enjoying their time on this earth and you cant do anything about any of that and fucking hell thats such a severe blow to the ego that i dont think anyone would willingly do that
>since they have never ever been validated they will be incredibly difficult to deal with and properly process.
yea man i dont even remember last time someone acknowledged my feelings irl let alone validate them
if anything people seem to prefer to make fun of them instead
which is probably why i dont show my real emotions at all and hide everything behind humor instead
>even it does mean you are just normalfag or niggercattle
lol if i could be even that it would be a great improvement
but im a [bold: failed] normie at best
>Be gentle with yourself.
would be a lot easier if i was lead by example, but alas
>possibly in a worse way than you left them
yea and then at that point why even bother, right?
>And then you're never able to show anyone your true self
nobody would want to see that shit anyway
>because you're acting out a mock exaggeration of yourself in order to defend against being hurt
yea can really show vulnerability because ppl are like vultures always looking for easy prey to pick to increase their social standing by asserting dominance over someone else or just for shits and giggles
>only to be called a normalnigger and told to fuck off by other anons
yea this shit is like a cult of the fallen tbh
ppl bond over their joint misery and if someone is no longer miserable all the time and has prospects for improving his life he is no longer of us get out normaltrash reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
>I'm going to reply to rest of what you wrote later.
ah cool a new textwall pal, ill be waiting
>BUT this is the hikki thread.
do i still count as hikki if i just sulk in my room when im not forced to leave it?
P8964
one thing i wanna add
>i also dont have to worry about money or food and generally am pretty comfortable, and maybe that's part of the problem, having no struggle adds to the existential ennui
anao was struggling to get food and he still was pretty down in the dumps, so no, that wouldnt change much other than make me die faster
its like i said, regardless of the situation, shit just sucks

bach haendel or vivaldi

P9039
t. SMIAfag.

P9039
>wtf? do you actually pay actual real money for books? you do know book are the easiest media to pirate these days, right?
pls, you are better than that.

do you know any movies similar to
The Godfather (1972)
https://odysee.com/The-Godfather-(1972):3
The Godfather Part II (1974)
https://odysee.com/@ThatsEntertainement:a/The-Godfather-Part.2---1974:c
The Godfather Part III (1990)
https://odysee.com/The-Godfather-Part-III-(1990):9
Amadeus (1984)
https://odysee.com/@private:1/Amadeus-1984-Directors-Cut.720p.BrRip.x264.YIFY:b
thank you anonee-san

>odysee
Is there any way to see odysee without JS? I think it allows download thru ctrl+u ctrl+f .mp4 but searching...

P8849
>How are you holding up?
Pretty much like the previous 11 years of my hikki time.
Compared to about 10 years ago my room and myself are a bit more cleaner and ordered, I watch more anime and play less vidya, I have more /tech/ gadgets(that I mostly never use lol), I traveled a couple of times of which last time was 5 years ago in Nihon, I am more lonely and depressed than ever but I can control it better, now I have backpain sometime, I got redpilled through my /pol/ phase on 8chan in 2018 I guess but although I understand the world much more better that made me only more depressed, my power level in general increased by a lot.
I'm struggling a lot with having motivation since the last three years, there are things I want to do(mostly /tech/ stuff) and although I have the experience and knowledge to do them I lack the motivation.
I'm doing fine financially speaking, I still live with my parents but I have my own money I make let's just say "through my computer", but honestly even if I have money I have no reason to spend it, I don't need/want more /tech/ gadgets, I hate people so I have no reason to spend money for doing things with other people, there is nowhere I want to go other than Nihon which is closed forever ever, I can't even waste money on anime shit cause the taxes of my nation for stuff coming from Asia literally rapes you.
Sometimes I think about moving to live alone but it feels like a chore and again I lack an actual motivation to do so, an idea I have is to rent some office/industrial space somewhere and work/live there for half of the week and the remaining half go back to my room, maybe next year I'll do it cause I can't shake off this feeling that I want a place of my own.
I larp as a 2D absolutist but in reality I still feel the need to find a 3D wife and make a family, I don't care about sex much though.
Family is much more disfunctional than 11 years ago... but hey they didn't kick me out yet at least could be worse.

>>P8964
>im not a neet anymore, but i used to be one, and ironically i was way more satisfied with my life back then
I felt the same way when I had to work. Selling my life and spending the money I got in return somehow never made me happy like other people. I do feel a little happy sometimes when I spend money and it makes other people act really happy, but also I feel like I'm doing something wrong. Like giving crack to a crackhead. Now I find solace stacking and restacking my boomer rocks. It's kinda a nice feeling knowing that most of my ancestors couldnt even dream of having such wealth, even if the dollar price of my rocks isn't that much. I hope they're proud of me.

>>P8972
He was betrothed to Natasha later, but that quote is from the very beginning when we first introduced to his wife Lise. Page 30 in my book- Maude translation revised by Amy Mandelker. I've never read AK, but ever since I read W&P its been my favorite book of all time, mainly because Andrei Bolkonsky.

>>P9107
>I watch more anime and play less vidya
Same. I want to play more vidya I just can't get interested in it anymore. The wokeness doesn't help at all.. most new games look like shit to me now.
>even if I have money I have no reason to spend it, I don't need/want more /tech/ gadgets, I hate people so I have no reason to spend money for doing things with other people, there is nowhere I want to go
My feels exactly. I used to find prepping really comfy, but I'm all prepped out. Anything more would border on schizophrenia. It's still a comfy feeling seeing the world shitting bricks all the time and I'm like "this is fine".
>I larp as a 2D absolutist but in reality I still feel the need to find a 3D wife and make a family, I don't care about sex much though.
Are you my long lost twin? Fucking same. Show us pics from glorious nippon.

P9066
idk if you think you are a genius detective or something for being able to recognize my obvious writing style

P9071
wdym? nothing wrong with sharing file with internet frens
and everyone is my internet fren

P9107
>my room and myself are a bit more cleaner and ordered
speaking of, i probably need to clean and organize mine already
>I have more /tech/ gadgets
like what? do you have a home server? i have been thinking of getting one, but im not sure what to do with it other than maybe host irc chat for my fellow glags
>although I understand the world much more better that made me only more depressed
yea same here, ignorance is bliss
i think i used to be happier when i was completely oblivious to the world's problem and i thought that shit happened just cause
i have heard similar testimonies from victims of child abuse that they didnt mind the abuse so much when they thought it was normal, but then they learn that their life didnt have to be complete shit and that's what pushes them over the edge
i think people have an easier time dealing with the horrors of this world if they believe they are just part of life, which is probably why religion is such a great tool for mass control
i mean, once you convince people that it is what it is and resistance is futile, they just settle down and cope without seething
>although I have the experience and knowledge to do them I lack the motivation.
i know how it is
because you dont really "have" to do any of that, its pretty easy to just dismiss it with "ill do it tomorrow" and again tomorrow and again the day after and so on
there is some stuff that i have basically been forcing myself to do lately, and it gets a bit easier once i get started since the desire to finish what i started kicks in
i think it is only a matter of inertia, if you are doing nothing you wanna keep doing nothing, if you are doing something you wanna keep doing it
there have been a few times i finished long projects and then was left feeling empty bc now i have nothing productive to do
then i get a new idea for something, but then dont wanna do anything anymore
its weird
>but honestly even if I have money I have no reason to spend it
yea me too
my family doesnt mind me sticking around, and i dont have to pay any bills, but there is nothing really that i wanna spend money on
even there are a few times i wanna buy something and they just offer to pay for me
i think its because i never ask for anything on my birthday or christmas so they feel like they owe me a gift or something
especially with it being so rare that i wanna buy anything
not even snacks tbh i live basically on lunch alone and sometimes eat a fruit if i get hungry again
and there are people here who like cake and such and i steal a piece from time to time
>waste money on anime shit
ig it must be fun to have a collection of stuff, but i dont really wanna start one of anything because there is nothing i like in particular to want to spend money on
idk ig i could start a rock collection, must be pretty cheap and fun, having to go around to different places to look for different types of rocks
meh i dont really understand that much about rocks to start one idk what id even look for to classify them or where id keep them
>think about moving to live alone
i dont really see any appeal in that
im left alone most of the time, so living with family is no bother for me
also taking care of a house sounds like a pain in the ass, even just keep my room in order is too much for me sometimes, let alone an entire place
>this feeling that I want a place of my own.
why do you want one? is it just for the feeling of independence or is there something you wanna do?
>I still feel the need to find a 3D wife and make a family
i dont really care about starting a family, at least not yet i think, but i long for companionship, like i really just want a girl on my lap to cuddle and kiss and sniff
and it has gotten pretty bad recently because september just started and i can feel the relentless march of time bringing my birthday ever closer and fucking hell idk if i can cope with the milestone of being a lonely piece of shit for another full year, maybe i will just kill myself the day before lol
and also the other day some distant family came to visit and i should have just fucked off to my room, because i have learned time and time again that that's the best i can do, but they were having lunch together and i was very hungry and i know when they come for lunch they stay until evening so it was a pick your poison situation
so i go there and then my fucking aunt looks at me, not even a "good afternoon" or anything, she just straight up asks me if i have gotten a girlfriend already
and just like that my mood is instantly sunk
i just pretended to ignore her because i already know that there is no response that will make this conversation go anywhere pleasant and thankfully my uncle was also there and told her to shut the hell up and leave me the fuck alone
probably because he has enough common sense to know that at my age the last question i want to be asked is how the gf is business going
but ofc theyd be curious as to why the fuck im still single at this age and have never even been seem with a girl before when all my cousins, older and younger, are already dating, some in serious relationships
hell even my younger sister has a bf already so yea i feel left behind by everyone
and also for a few months now i have heard people joking that i prolly have a secret gf or something, bc haha look at me im so handsome there is no way i can be a maidenless kissless virgin
and that seriously gives me 2nd place syndrome or whatever idk if thats a real thing because i feel like i am so close to success and yet fall very short of it bc im so extremely autistic that i repel anyone who might feel any little bit of attraction for me
its like wow i really want to go back to looking like a goblin like in my teens bc at least i could cope by telling myself i never had a chance to being with
but now its like i can smell the possibility for ascension, but never truly taste it because while yea sure i can flirt with women and whatever, but give them a little time with me and my power level will start to show and they will feel completely repulsed and promptly fuck off for good and idk what to do about it
and idk if ppl just expect me to know this stuff by osmosis or what, bc nobody not even my dad ever sat me down to explain to me how relationships work or how to talk to girls or anything like that and yet im expected to fend for myself
fucking hell, i was never even explained how sex works, i basically learned everything online by myself
and the internet is probably the worst place to learn how to socialize
well ok its not like anyone straight up pesters me all the time to find a partner or anything but i can feel the pressure to get one and the disappointment and im pretty much "that guy" in my family
hell, even if they didnt care, i care, bc i do feel so very alone, and idc what sort of cope blackpilled anons come up with for not wanting a gf, bc first of all companionship is a basic human need, second being a man my brain is hardwired to want poon literally all the fucking time holy shit it never stops please make it stop and id need to suffer some serious braindamage to get over that, and third what really bothers me is the principle that this is something i want and fail miserably at achieving it, and that makes me feel like a failure
speaking of which, if it wasnt my family, id probably die without food and water bc i really am helpless like that, so its not just one basic need i cannot provide for myself, its literally all of them
this one time they made the mistake of letting me live alone and i lost a lot of weight simply because i didnt eat
and its not like i didnt have money to buy food, i just didnt want to bother cooking for myself or going out to eat and would only eat every other day
and it got worse after i learned that eating stuff with a lot of fiber makes the hunger go away for a long time, so i completely stopped eating anything with nutritional value and even calories
so they took me back because i was probably gonna die like that idk
ok mom so basically this is why i avoid leaving my room when there are guests, i hope you understand now [spoiler: she is never gonna read any of this]

P9149
>but also I feel like I'm doing something wrong
yea i also feel weird sometimes when spending money
so i ended up having a lot of money saved even though i dont earn that much
i have been thinking of quitting but...
idk in some ways being forced off the house everyday has done me some good in a way
im pretty sure i was having cabin fever or something before lol
>I want to play more vidya I just can't get interested in it anymore.
yea it has been hard finding good stuff lately
i think that after playing so many game for so long everything starts to feel like just more of the same
and it doesnt help that nobody wants to take risks in game design nowadays

P9152
>wdym? nothing wrong with sharing file with internet frens
obv I didnt mean that you shouldnt pirate books, I download plenty of them myself, but its dumb to think there isnt any value in physical books, and it makes more sense to spend money to buy books or comic books instead of music (unless its on vinyls ig) and movies imo. besides, there are books I cant seem to find online (sometimes they are only on googlebooks and I prefer to avoid it).

For now I am still a student, so I am forced to go out at least on week-days. I'm kind of scared to become a hikki once I graduate though. I barely speak to three people in class and not at all outside. On week-ends, I barely leave my room because it's such a bother getting dressed up and going out into the crowd. I'm lucky enough to be paid for studying, so I've been saving quite a lot of money though.
My current plan is to buy a house somewhere in the countryside and live there. Having a garden would get rid of both the crowd and the need to dress up when going out. I'm not sure if that would really work or if that's a cope and I would die there because I didn't plant my garden and the market is too far away.

P9166
sounds cozy

spent the morning reading a book while keeping my feet under water and letting the shrimps and fishes clean them, twas pretty good. hope my good ol friend denpa is spending these days in a similar fashion.

P9073
i need to think about it, but if youd like something else by Coppola you should watch the conversation (1974), great movie about electronic (audio) surveillance

P9155
>but ofc theyd be curious as to why the fuck im still single at this age and have never even been seem with a girl before when all my cousins, older and younger, are already dating
they are simply curious. there is nothing wrong with being single for so long, people can feel surprise but this doesnt mean they see you as a weirdo, in my experience only a small minority would judge you for it, some will even admire you, most people wont equate it to being an unredeemable coomer, they arent ib users after all. as you or a different anon said, tech barons turned the internet in this eternal high school like nightmare, real life isnt like that in my experience. most people dont think getting a gf is hard, almost everyone is doing it, so they just wonder why you choose to convey your energies toward other tasks. i wonder if you feel sort of guily for failing at this.
if they could go back in time, most older people would have much more fun than what they actually had, so they cant help asking you about frivolous stuff, they are just expressing, through displacement, a desire of theirs, which you happen to trigger.
or maybe your aunt is just a bitch, idk her.

>>P9166
>a house somewhere in the countryside
I'm doing this, but it's not as easy as I thought it'd be. My first year (last year), it rained so much that my yard became a swamp, and this year it was so dry and hot that the ground cracked. To protect my garden, I set out live catch traps and, honestly, I've caught more calories than I've grown. I always release the animals I catch in a wildlife refuge since I'm not a subhuman, but that means I'm still dependent on supermarkets for nearly all of my food. At least I can shop totally alone at night once the meth addicts run out of food stamps in the last week of each month. Only my onions grew reliably through both the flooding and the drought. Something ate my potatoes underground. Now it's raining again, so hopefully my tomatoes and peppers will come back from near death. I should really take up fishing and hunting like a real redneck. The biggest problem with living here is that everyone knows everyone else through churches, and if you don't join a church you'll get visits from people wanting to recruit you, and even if you hide, the same people will come over and over until you answer the door. Thankfully, the few neighbors that I rarely talk to know me and like me. All rednecks are white magapedes and they really seem to enjoy it when I talk about politics because I'm educated and articulate and don't smoke meth. Sometimes I miss having authentic asian and texmex food.. but overall it's less stressful and more wholesome than living in a city or suburb.

P9039
>wtf? do you actually pay actual real money for books?
I like to own physical books and I prefer reading from them, particularly hardbacks. I also feel paranoid about the inevitability of censorship and deliberate mistranslations because they are already happening today, so I want to have physical copies now because in the future I won't be able to guarantee that they aren't fucked with. Also It's the one thing I don't pirate. And I want to hand them down to my kids if I ever have any.
>but im a [bold: failed] normie at best
Don't think of yourself like that, it's extremely toxic and self limiting. Imagine policing your behavior and influencing your self image and self esteem through a largely false dichotomy that anons can't even properly define. Also a failed normalnigger is someone who desires things that normal people have. You could be a khhv hikki of twenty years, but if you still desire and pine for the things that your [bold: circumstance have denied you], you're a normalnigger. Rather it is the deliberate and almost necessary rejection of the sensibilities, ways of being, yearnings, morals and conventions of the masses that make someone not a normalnigger. Also not trying to be mean, but somehow between your initial post and this one you begun expressing yourself with even less confidence and sort of obsequiously, maybe because the mild criticism you received or because you had someone reply to you and it made you more nervous or something. Anyway there are zero consequences for what you post, so post confidently, do it as a way to train yourself for irl interactions.
>nobody would want to see that shit anyway
They would
>do i still count as hikki if i just sulk in my room when im not forced to leave it?
"Duration of continuous social isolation of at least six months" so no lol. Doesn't mean you aren't mentally unwell. P9011
P9149
>He was betrothed to Natasha later, but that quote is from the very beginning when we first introduced to his wife Lise. Page 30 in my book- Maude translation revised by Amy Mandelker.
Right the little princess iirc.
>I've never read AK, but ever since I read W&P its been my favorite book of all time, mainly because Andrei Bolkonsky.
Piere was my favorite character. But how amazing was the the battle of Borodino part when Andrei was in the sick tent and he was right next Anatole Kuragin while he was getting his leg amputated. And he just felt overwhelming empathy for him and forgave him for what he did. It's been at least 3 years since I read it. You should definitely read AK, the general sentiment is that W&P has more highs and lows by Ak is more consistent and many consider it to be the perfect novel. I like W&P better, but if it is your favorite book, 100% read AK.

P9212
>but this doesnt mean they see you as a weirdo
yea i know
nobody ever tried to make me feel bad about it, but still, like i said, what bothers me is the principle
>most people dont think getting a gf is hard, almost everyone is doing it
and this too
>only a small minority would judge you for it
yea i already a speech prepared in case some asshole tries to embarrass me for it
it is basically copium in its purest form, but if the guy is stupid enough he might believe it
basically id larp as a volcel and say that serial monogamy is still polygamy and having sex with other just to satisfy your lust will ruin your immortal soul [spoiler: the place i live is very religious, so there is no counter argument to this without invoking the wrath of everyone around, its basically my trump card] and that actually needing to always have a gf shows weakness of the mind bc he simply cannot enjoy his own company and needs to get himself surrounded by people all the time because not even himself can tolerate his own shitty company, which by the way is the reason all his gfs always leave him
basically id cope and project HARD and hope for the best
>some will even admire you
yea if i spin it as me thinking im literally too good for hoes, then yea i can probably bullshit people into thinking i have a noble cause for that or soemthing
>why you choose
thats my secret
i didnt
never did
>i wonder if you feel sort of guily for failing at this.
i wouldnt say exactly "guilty"...
>most older people would have much more fun than what they actually had
...this is what im afraid of
growing old and regretting all the things i never did is what actually terrifies me
>tech barons turned the internet in this eternal high school like nightmare, real life isnt like that in my experience
yea one thing i have learned recently is that a few people i know also never dated before, and they are only a bit younger than me
idk about their kisslessness tho, thats one thing that bothers me too
losing my kiss virginity after my 20s is fucking sad
>feel sort of guily for failing at this
no its not guilt that i feel bc i dont think its my fault
i shouldnt have to teach myself any of this, but i have nobody in my life to help me, so it is what it is
what i feel is sadness and also dejected for having to do everything on my own

P8954
>idk in where denpa @
P9212
>hope my good ol friend denpa is spending these days in a similar fashion.
That's a really specific way of spending the morning.

I need some time for myself, and away from here.
The present spam drama is annoying as well.
I'll be active again... soon.

P9073
Throne of Blood, Ran, Kagemusha and The Bad Sleep Well.

P9249
>so I want to have physical copies now because in the future I won't be able to guarantee that they aren't fucked with
???
doesnt the same apply to digital books? if you download everything now you wont have to worry about tampering later
i can understand preferring to read paper, i know ppl that dont like the backlight of the monitor, but its all the same for me
>And I want to hand them down to my kids if I ever have any.
give them an 64GB flash drive with literal thousands of books lol
>Imagine policing your behavior and influencing your self image and self esteem through a largely false dichotomy that anons can't even properly define.
yea pretty fucking gay when you put it like that
but i dont think im braindamaged enough that i take all of that unironically in my daily life
like when i have the chance to socialize i wont reject it just because im a quirky uwu introvert who doesnt leave his room
>Also a failed normalnigger is someone who desires things that normal people have.
>if you still desire and pine for the things that your [bold: circumstance have denied you], you're a normalnigger.
just elaborating on what i said, but ok
>somehow between your initial post and this one you begun expressing yourself with even less confidence and sort of obsequiously, maybe because the mild criticism you received or because you had someone reply to you and it made you more nervous or something.
ig it just depends on my mood atm i post
also maybe i was just acting like that to get more attention idk i do that sometimes im a little bitch like that
see? just did it again
>there are zero consequences for what you post, so post confidently, do it as a way to train yourself for irl interactions
the difference is that irl there are consequences for all interactions
also i think that only applies for anonymous poster, and im an identityfag here, so that point is kinda moot, even though only the super detective L aka hikari can spot me
>They would
nah im pretty sure they wouldnt
when i was little i fucking sucked at hiding my power level and that only got me bullied and ostracized
but ig back then i was a smol goblin that ppl had fun messing with, maybe nowadays the halo effect would change things but idk i dont really wanna put it to the test and watch what little social status i have gained crash and burn and once again be made the communal punching bag
>so no lol
dammit cant even have cool japanese title
>Doesn't mean you aren't mentally unwell.
eh whats even the point if i dont get a label to put on my bio

P9258
>I need some time for myself, and away from here.
understandable, i have been spamming way too many textwalls lately
>The present spam drama is annoying as well.
what? i think i saw something on /meta/ but stuff there is boring so i just skim through
>I'll be active again... soon.
cool
i expect a reply to all the textwalls i scattered around
jkjk im kidding [spoiler: except im not, your opinion is important for me]
also rate my meme P9054

P8964
The zucc moments would definitely be something I would sympathize with if he didn't make that awful website.

cant believe my shitposting in another thread made someone else appreciate the zucc he should fire his whole pr team and hire me
me and shitspammer ar probably the only 2 persons in the whole world who like him

P9255
>losing my kiss virginity after my 20s is fucking sad
It's patrician ACTUALLY... You should be proud about it.

top kek

P9272
huh? what other thread?
that just came up as part of my adhd fueled rambling
also i never said i like the guy
goddamn i think the world would be a better place witho- actually nvm, if not mark, someone else would have become the zucc in his absence, i think something like facebook was inevitable, mark was just the first guy to think and do it
i mean, even without him google would still be a thing

P9281
huh? what other thread?
P8784

P9263
>i have been spamming way too many textwalls lately
Nah, it's more like my life is quite chaotic and I need to sort things out.
>rate my meme
5/8 - Too much Pinkman.
P9272
>2 persons in the whole world who like him
I searched about his "personality" and I get garbage like this.
https://nypost.com/2020/09/26/why-silicon-valley-ceos-are-such-raging-psychopaths/
Someone took the time to photoshop devil horns onto the heads of CEOs.

>According to the Hare Psychopathy Checklist — the universally accepted diagnostic tool used to assess this disorder — a psychopathic personality includes traits such as a grandiose sense of self-worth, a lack of remorse or guilt, poor behavioral controls, pathological lying and a lack of empathy.
I guess the zucc moments display a lack of empathy, which makes him look robotic as fuck.

If I watch this am I going to turn into a tranny or tranny fucker?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_with_an_Ordinary_Guy_Who_Reincarnated_into_a_Total_Fantasy_Knockout

I can see what people mean when they say anime is turning men into women now.

P9306
That was a funny show. A lot more funny than fetishistic. Go watch it.

P9262
I just like physical copies lol. I do have a large epub collection still.
>but i dont think im braindamaged enough that i take all of that unironically in my daily life
yeah of course not. I mean you said you were making efforts to socialize but they didnt pay off? How come?
>just elaborating on what i said, but ok
Didn't mean to, sorry
>ig it just depends on my mood atm i post
also maybe i was just acting like that to get more attention idk i do that sometimes im a little bitch like that
>see? just did it again
I see, well you sounded almost like a different person. But in this post you seem confident and normal. I'm kinda the same way oscillating between those two states of self-possesion and timidity, but for me it's probably more real if for you it's just to get more attention.
>the difference is that irl there are consequences for all interactions
True. I used to post like a little bitch scared of criticism, I was just projecting tbh. Sorry the way you typed reminded me of myself lol.
>also i think that only applies for anonymous poster, and im an identityfag here, so that point is kinda moot, even though only the super detective L aka hikari can spot me
Kek. I didn't realize.
>nah im pretty sure they wouldnt
Well you won't know if you never try, and if the way you're posting right now is representative of yourself irl if you were to be true to yourself in interactions, people would like you.
>when i was little i fucking sucked at hiding my power level and that only got me bullied and ostracized
but ig back then i was a smol goblin that ppl had fun messing with, maybe nowadays the halo effect would change things but idk i dont really wanna put it to the test and watch what little social status i have gained crash and burn and once again be made the communal punching bag
Trust me, if you just be yourself and completely own it when you're a young adult people will like you. It swings right back around and people worship you for your powerlevel. Or they just don't know how to react and just respect you for being so uninhibited. And you are correct about the Halo effect thing. Trust me all the people you think you have social status with have already sniffed you out as a freak. Normalfags have very sharp noses lol. Like they know if you are weird. So you might as well just shock them and freak them out. in the past 4 years of being a hikki/neet when I have been in social situations I've just been myself and been completely unfiltered. And I make friends despite myself. Like I went to uni for about two months about two years ago. That's about if for my totally compelling and utterly convincing anecdotal evidence about BEING yourself. At least in my experience normalniggers are not equipped at all to understand if what Im saying is social acceptable or not.
Also sorry for not replying to you properly last time. But I'm literally spent completely. I don't know how you fags do it. I feel socially exhausted trying to maintain this and replying lel. i'm going to go back to my usual hit and run style posts.

>>P9249
I buy hardcover books for similar reasons. Also, I just enjoy reading the same way as I did when I was a kid. For everything else, qbittorrent.
Pierre is the friend I always wished I had: someone shunned stupidly just for being fat and ugly despite being very smart and truly good. I could've talked with him about all the things I've only ever posted about on IBs, and he'd say, "Andrei, you're right of course, but here's what I think..." and we could talk as gentlemen of learning and culture, but free from the roles we're forced to act and the codes we're forced to follow by society.
That scene where Andrei and Anatole were in the wounded tent together is honestly where he lost me. I thought it was complete break with all his former philosophy and that Andrei Bolkonsky actually died in that tent, not months later. The former Andrei would have killed Anatole and slutshamed Natasha, as was planned. But part of what makes it such a great book to me is how so much of Andrei's philosophy survived him in Pierre, whose good nature and naiveté simply conquered it. I think they both started out wishing they could trade places, and in the end Andrei ended up dying all sentimental and fulfilled-feeling while Pierre was the one left with the responsibilities of upholding a ridiculous society full of irrational people.
>You should definitely read AK
I know. I'll keep checking on it for a sale.

P9313
>I buy hardcover books for similar reasons. Also, I just enjoy reading the same way as I did when I was a kid. For everything else, qbittorrent.
yeah same with me.
It seems like you really like/respected Andrei, but I'm going to be honest I never really liked him, I saw way too much of myself in him and I tend to only romanticize or respect the characteristics of others that don't come naturally to myself. It's like the things in Andrei that readers would respect, I disdained because I saw it as a matter of course to think the way he thinks and because of that it seemed base and common since I'm too autistic to understand that my own way of thinking isn't universal. I dunno he was just like me and I didn't like that. For instance a character I truly respect is Prince Myshkin so that will probably put my opinion of him into perspective.
>I thought it was complete break with all his former philosophy and that Andrei Bolkonsky actually died in that tent, not months later.
For me it was his ultimate redemption. beyond this I can't really engage with what you're saying because It's been so long since I've read it. I do remember though, I don't think I've empathized with women or understood them as well as when i read the Anatole/Natasha elopement sequence. Actually Subahibi made me empathize with women as well.
>I know. I'll keep checking on it for a sale.
I will say this just to shill it a bit. I always like to assert how much better of a better writer Tolstoy is compared to Dostoevsky, and I think AK really demonstrates it. Dostoevsky wrote like Dickens or Hugo and would put his characters through trials and tribulations not for the sake of characterization, but to make a larger point, in which the characters are only props to that end. Whereas Tolstoy didn't even want to write Anna Karenina but felt possessed by "that woman" as he would disdainfully call her, what was meant to be a short story turned into 800 page novel, essentially at the expense of Tolstoy himself. He would march around while hunting and complain to his sons that "that woman" was being a pain in the ass, he would want to write a scene one way and she would come to life and take it another direction that he didn't like, and he'd trash it and seethe. Characters came to life through him in a way that has never been seen. Pretty much no other novelist is respected by other novelists as much as Tolstoy is a well. Like you were saying yourself he is just a master of characterization. I would really have to reread to challenge that sentiment regarding the death of Andrei being in the wounded tent.

P9149
>I used to find prepping really comfy, but I'm all prepped out
I also bought a lot of what you could call "prepper stuff", for me it's mostly for larping as an operator.
I feel guilty buying outdoors equip and the like though cause I am still hikki/pseudo-hikki and I spend like 99% of my time indoor, sometimes it does come in handy like for example a month and a half ago when I climbed a couple of mountains(in solo), but most of the time it's just catching dust in my room.
Speaking of this kind of stuff, I talked about how I want to go live on some place of my own in my previous post, well another recurring idea that comes and goes through my mind is going to live in the mountains as a kind of traveling hermit(I live close to a lot of mountains).
Maybe this is a bizarre thing to say in an hikki thread or maybe not, but personally I always felt an affinity towards montains and similar isolated places.
What does anon think: is there a connection between the comfiness of a hikki's room and the uncomfy wilderness? After all in the past hermits lived in the mountains and we are the modern hermits.
>Show us pics from glorious nippon
Sure, this my secret spot on the Tetsugaku No Michi(Philosopher's Walk) in Kyoto(probably around 35.018429,135.795522), photo taken in circa 201X.
P9155
>>I have more /tech/ gadgets
>like what?
I have a home server yes, I use it mostly for storage(64TB), for running a Monero node/mining Monero and for scraping websites.
Some other gadgets I bought includes a drawing tablet(I tried drawfagging but I'm not that good so I used it to play osu for the most part), a lot of SBCs(mostly unused or unfinished projects, the only one I use is the one I transformed into a router). Like I had a project of building a sort of mix between a laptop and a smartphone kind of like old PDAs from the early 2000's using an high-end SBC I bought, but guess what... yes I don't have any motivation to continue the project.
I also built a workbench in my room to study electronics and I bought all kind of electronic supplies and tools like a soldering iron, a rotating multitool(dremel), of course I lack the motivation to actually study electronics so all these tools are just there catching dust.
I've decided that for now until I get my shit together and do something with what I have I won't buy any more.
>ignorance is bliss
Right, the truth hurts and the worse part is that it makes me feel even more alone, I always had that itch in the back of my head though so it was inevitable.
>it is only a matter of inertia
Yes exactly that perfectly describes me, for example there was a certain software I wanted to make since a couple of years and earlier this year I finally forced myself to start, and after I started I spent an entire month working on it all day every day and it felt very satisfying, the hardest part is finding the motivation to begin a project.
>rock collection, must be pretty cheap and fun
Rock collection is very classic, I don't know how cheap that is though, precious minerals can be very expensive. Depending on where you live maybe you can find rocks, when I was a kid sometime I found quartz digging in the woods.
Anyway it has to be something that you value as beautiful, it doesn't really matter if you properly classify them I mean there are different degrees of autism between collectors, personally I think that as long as it puts a smile on your face when you look at the collection and you have fun doing the collecting then it's worth it. For me it's anime figures, I like the aesthetics they give to my room and I enjoyed exploring places like Akihabara or Nakano Broadway trying to find the best deals, even hunting for figures online is fun(excluding the tax rape part).
>>think about moving to live alone
>i dont really see any appeal in that
>>I want a place of my own.
>why do you want one?
A reason is that my family situation is worsening my father in particular can be a real pain sometimes.
Another reason is that maybe my motivation could improve from a change of environment, I heard of people that work better if they have their own studio/office that is separate from their house.
The reasons above are kind of rationalizations of what is just a raw feeling I have since years, I can't really explain better than "I want to have my own thing", the having a family part is the same feeling actually. Maybe it's just me getting older.
>i long for companionship
Cute rant anon.
I can relate with a lot of it, I also get the "when are you getting a girlfriend" from my parents every time my birthday gets closer, it's just something parents do.
It's impossible to forget about the need for a companion no matter the amount escapism or lying it always feels like there is something missing, like you're imcomplete, but something that is definitely possible to do is to stop caring about what other people think.
Who cares about what our parents and sibling think, they can't undestand anyway so they don't deserve an opinion. Like the reason my father likes to remind me to get a gf for example is not cause he cares about me(he literally hates me since I was born) or cause he undestands how I feel, it's just cause I'm the last male in the family line sp it's an egoistical reason on his end, other examples include those parents that are ashamed to admit their children is not married or never had a gf my mother is kind of like that multiple times I caught her lying about me to friends and extended family.
Of course I DO want a gf/wife/family, but it's not to please my parents it's cause I have MY OWN reasons I have MY OWN needs.
Try to get into this mindset if you can, it helps. I don't have any other advice though cause I am far from being an expert since I am also a khv.
>its not just one basic need i cannot provide for myself, its literally all of them
Why don't you try to learn to properly cooking? I started baking sweets and the like and then I learned to cook all kind of things, it is a very useful skill to have and once you get into it(like you make and write down your own recipes) it's not boring anymore.
P9149
P9155
>I want to play more vidya I just can't get interested in it anymore
>yea it has been hard finding good stuff lately
I played almost no vidya from 2019 to 2021 other than practicing muh Touhou lunatic clears, this year I tried getting back into vidya, I tried playing Elden Ring but I could barely finish it cause I was so bored and it felt like a chore(and I am a Souls oldfag that spent thousands of hours on From games), the only game I really ended up getting into has been Escape from Tarkov, it's far from being perfect but it has some novel ideas and appeals to my autism, and it has zero woke shit as a plus. As with many other kind of media I feel like vidya is really struggling with new ideas, almost everything is more of the same cause corpos don't want to take any risk as P9155 said.

P9302
>Nah, it's more like my life is quite chaotic and I need to sort things out.
yea same here tbh
this ib alone almost has more posts than i can keep up with
>5/8 - Too much Pinkman.
wtf thats literally how the template works you cant subtract points for that
jesse starts speaking in cryptic internet slang and mr white doesnt understand so he asks "what?"
then jesse tries to explain by ranting in an even more obscure jargon and then mr white is completely confused and asks wtf he is talking about
here is a shorter version where jesse just tries to explain the jargon with more jargon to the same effect
also an even shorter version that is more popular on twitter that is just one loaded phrase and then "wtf are you talking about"
the humour of the meme comes from the fact that what jesse is saying would make perfect sense on the internet and everyone would know exactly what he meant, but when talking to a normie irl his language would barely register as english and the reaction would be the same as mr white's
speaking of reaction, the last panel can serve as a reaction image on its own to make fun of people who use too much internetspeak
yes, i have a phd in memeology, how could you tell?
>Someone took the time to photoshop devil horns onto the heads of CEOs.
i imagine it is someone with an open mouth, shallow neck beard and balding
>I guess the zucc moments display a lack of empathy
it think it is the lack of affect more than anything
it is what gives the impression that he is looking into your soul stealing all your personal data

P9309
>I mean you said you were making efforts to socialize but they didnt pay off? How come?
maybe because i fucking suck at it since i never learned to socialize as a child or teen
i dont really wanna write about it because it really fucking awkward but you can still read my meltdown at the other thread
>for me it's probably more real if for you it's just to get more attention.
i wouldnt say its not real for me
its weird bc it sorta feels true in the moment, but not after, you know?
act like a little rn bc i think its warranted, but later in the day think i was pretty fucking gay for doing that
>I didn't realize.
you must be new here
everyone here knows the infamous glag avatarfag gang
>if the way you're posting right now is representative of yourself irl if you were to be true to yourself in interactions, people would like you
yea idk, look at my meme review P9333
normies operate at a different framework, something that sounds appropriate online might make zero sense irl
>Like they know if you are weird. So you might as well just shock them and freak them out.
yea i cant really keep my power level down all the time, but if i started going on about how i dont have a phone or social media to avoid getting glowed and datamined by omnipresent trackers that will try to manipulate me and turn me into cattle and then try to redpill people on the metaphysics of cunny and tell them that all windows users are suckers and rant about how if they dont use gentoo they shouldnt even be allowed near a computer, they might think im a full blown schizo, which is not far from the truth
i think there is a limit to how much of yourself you can show publicly without it backfiring
>I've just been myself and been completely unfiltered.
see this is part of my problem
like there are times here when i act timid, there are times irl when i just dont give a fuck and just act like a total sperglord and i think thats what puts ppl off
i also talked about that at P5478 but there are so many texttowers there that i dont really wanna look for the exact place, and you are probably not gonna wanna read through 2 autismos penpal history
>But I'm literally spent completely. I don't know how you fags do it.
practice idk
once you write your first post with over 80k characters you cant really stop anymore
its like running a marathon
>I feel socially exhausted trying to maintain this and replying lel.
lol ok noob
meanwhile i bet the next iteration between me and faggotchan is gonna be over 100k characters for each
but ig you cant write so much so effortlessly without being in the spectrum, so dont feel too bad about it

P9323
>I use it mostly for storage(64TB), for running a Monero node/mining Monero and for scraping websites.
oh yea ig an always-on computer isnt good only for host a website, you can also leaving it doing long-lasting tasks like downloading and seeding
i should look for one to do that
>drawing tablet
i have thought about buying one for myself, but idk how to look for something with drivers for linux-libre
id hate to buy one only to find out that i cant use it
>SBCs
which ones?
i have thought about getting a raspberry pi to use as the home server
i heard SBCs are better than regular computers for that sort of thing bc they consume very little power so they wont impact your energy bill so much for being on all the time
>Like I had a project of building a sort of mix between a laptop and a smartphone kind of like old PDAs
oh man, i wish i had one of those
having a PDA i can program myself and customize all i want sounds much much better than carrying a glowphone everywhere
i wouldnt even know where to start tho
>yes I don't have any motivation to continue the project.
>continue
do you have a plan on how to do it already?
>after I started I spent an entire month working on it all day every day and it felt very satisfying
yea i know how it is
im basically spend a couple of months doing intense work daily then i finish and several months blur together in a gray blur of nothing
>precious minerals can be very expensive
i was thinking about actual rocks you can pick up and take home
a collection of minerals and crystals sound pretty fucking expensive tbh and opulent too
>I found quartz digging in the woods
idk if quartz is that rare, i have a huge chunk of that right here with me rn
i also found it in the woods where the ground was eroding and the rock beneath was exposed and there where some big ones lying around
but it is very rough and embedded in some other rock
idk if you meant you found pure crystal or what, bc mine is as raw as it gets
>"I want to have my own thing"
>Maybe it's just me getting older.
yea probably the feeling of independence i mentioned
>it's just cause I'm the last male in the family line
lol if it bothers him so much just tell him to make another one
>my mother is kind of like that multiple times I caught her lying about me to friends and extended family.
ugh mothers, amirite?
>Try to get into this mindset if you can
isnt basically what i already said?
>since I am also a khv.
if the h stands for hugless or handholdless then step the fuck down bc you talking to the alpha male of the group
i have hugged and held hands with girls before
idk what im even doing here, im basically a sex haver
>Why don't you try to learn to properly cooking?
i already know, my problem is that i cant be bothered to and prefer to starve for a few days before finally being hungry enough to wanna do it
>it's not boring anymore
but it is tho
having to cut up vegies, prepare the meat, then put on the pot and wait for god knows how long until it is ready and you gotta stay guard so it doesnt burn bc all the water evaporated and then having to clean it all up aferwards
a fucking chore
also gotta go out to buy the supplies and thats a pain too
>almost everything is more of the same cause corpos don't want to take any risk
me and faggotchan also talked about that in P5478
only now i started to realize that in this "share thread" im just repeating what i already said on the overshare thread
that checks out ig

>ig
>ig
>ig
retard

P9306
watched the first episode
it is a transgay romantic comedy isekai
right off the bat it makes that pretty clear
and honestly im sure if its based or cringe
but yea like P9308 said it seems more funny than horny

P9337
>you can also leaving it doing long-lasting tasks like downloading and seeding
Often people use seedboxes to seed torrents though cause of the bandwidth limitations(upload in particular) of home networks, but yes you can use an home server for so many things like if it has a CPU or GPU powerful enough you can leave it transcoding videos or cracking passwords(fufufu).
You don't need any special hardware too, you can use an SBC if you want but that carries obvious limitations my homeserver is just an old but not so old desktop computer that I recycled this way, most of the hardware is the same I only changed the case so that it could hold more disks.
>>drawing tablet
>drivers
Uhmm I don't use linux-libre so I'm not sure if it will work, I have a Wacom tablet and it works fine on my Linux system.
There is a kernel component called "wacom" which has to be compiled in the kernel either as built-in or as a module under "Device drivers ---> HID support ---> HID bus support ---> Special HID drivers ---> <*>/<M> Wacom Intuos/Graphire tablet support (USB)", then there is an X.Org(assuming you use X11) driver called "xf86-input-wacom" usually provided as a package by distros and finally there is a userland tool called "libwacom" also usually provided as a package that you can use to configure the tablet(fundamental if you want to change the area/pressure or if you use multiple monitors), see https://linuxwacom.github.io and https://github.com/linuxwacom/input-wacom/wiki for more info.
>>SBCs
>which ones?
Let's see, I have four Raspberry Pis each a different model and one compatible display, a NanoPC-T4(for that PDA project) with it's compatible display, an Orange Pi R1 Plus(as my router), a Banana Pi M2 Zero and finally a LILYGO T5 E-ink display(last one is not really an SBC but whatever).
>PDA
I love the idea too but you know since I don't get out of the house much I didn't "actually" needed it so it went in the box of low priority projects.
Regardless, the concept is to have a pouch-sized micro-laptop/tablet hybrid that is not too bigh and not too small, I have most of the project figured out with some problems yet to solve, I still haven't implement much of it. As I said it will use the NanoPC-T4 SBC as a base and the HD702E b6y the same company as a main display, its size will be of about 18cm x 12cm x 3cm.
The NanoPC-T4 board is notable for having an M.2 slot that I have equipped with a 1TB SSD(imagine having 1TB everywhere), a wi-fi/bt chip and antennas, a full-size ethernet port, a USB3 port and in theory it can support up to three external monitors, the main con is that it is expensive in any case any SBC should be fine for people that wants to replicate it.
I planned on extending the base board with a more powerful USB wi-fi network card and antenna I have, a USB modem I have(so I can have internet and SMS everywhere) and a USB GPS receiver(so I can use it for maps on the go), the first unsolved problem is that the USB2 ports are very close to each other and even though it is possible to attach a USB hub to either one of the USB2 ports or to the USB3 port I found no way to design a chassis that can incorporate the hub without messing with the other ports or making the PDA much thicker, so I decided against using the external wi-fi card and for using just the USB modem and USB GPS receiver when I need them, I like the idea of an external USB modem cause this way I can disconnect from the cell network whenever I want without having to mess with the SIM card.
Talking about the input the display has touchscreen and ofc I also plan to have a keyboard and a ThinkPad like trackpoint(I saw around some project of a custom trackpoint but I've lost the link).
The chassis should resemble one of the ThinkPad tablets with the hinge rotating on two axis so that from micro-laptop the system can rapidly be turned into a tablet and it will be 3D printed in ABS, oh right I forgot to mention in my list of mostly unused /tech/ gadgets my 3D printer, related unsolved problems includes the design of the hinge and how to build the keyboard itself, I never built a custom keyboard so maybe I should first try building a full-size one with standard switches and caps.
Finally there is the problem of energy, most SBCs take 5V input power usually from USB but instead this board takes 12V input power, since this device is meant to be mobile a battery is obviously necessary this is another unsolved problem although I have few ideas:
1) find a lithium battery pack with the right voltage, capacity and size; I couldn't find a perfect prebuilt battery with my specification
2) build my own lithium battery pack from the single lithium cells; it looks like this is a viable solution that was explored by other people like https://www.instructables.com/12V-Lithium-Ion-18650-55ah-Portable-Battery/
3) (ab)use a powerbank for my needs; this is also a viable solution, most powerbanks have 5V USB outputs but modern ones are also often equipped with Qualcomm "Quick Charge" technology, this technology is usually used to charge devices faster by increasing the input voltage on request from the device so by using a QC trigger chip we can trick the powerbank to output in 12V, it's still difficult to find a powerbak with the right size
Solution 2 and 3 are not mutually exclusive, I could use a custom lithium battery pack and then also carry around a powerbank with the QC trigger if I need a secondary battery, in any case I also need some sort of controller to switch from battery to power adapter when needed, I thought I had found a resource on how to do that but it looks like I lost it, the battery should be easily removable so this should be kept in mind when designing the chassis.
Battery/keyboard/trackpoint for now are low priority cause I don't need them to test the main system.
I should study more electronics, I am still a noob when it comes to electronics.
>the h stands for hugless or handholdless
I committed the grave sin of handholding before marriage, but I never got properly hugged by agirl outside of family, must feel pretty soft and warm.
>cooking
>boring
Can't relate cause I really like cooking, cutting things and baking is particularly fun.
On Nanochan I used to post some of my recipes in the cooking thead, maybe I should make a cooking board on lambda and force to post fufufu

what is hikki? I am surprised, there so many japanese using this webboard.

>>P9319
>It seems like you really like/respected Andrei
Reading about the fictional life of Andrei Bolkonsky was my one and only "literally me" moment ever. Ngl. When I first read W&P, I dropped the book many times to get up and pace back and forth, as I always do when deep in thought, whispering to myself things like, "How the fuck is this possible? That's me! Here is this dead Russian guy I've never met that somehow knew exactly who I am. No one else has ever had a fucking clue! This is unbelievable!" And when I finished the book, I read it again immediately. I probably felt like I couldn't afford to miss anything important about Andrei, aka myself. It was already clear to me then that W&P was the greatest novel ever written, but it's definitely not among the easier novels to read, lol. I also torrented the Soviet quadrilogy directed by Sergei Bondarchuk, who also played Pierre (perfectly, imo).
By the time Andrei forgave Anatole, pretty late in the story iirc, I think I felt that I wasn't reading fiction anymore, I was reading my own biography. That's why he totally lost me there. Maybe I should read it again, it's been 10 years since then, and next year is my 5th year of full time neetdom. I remember that, after Austerlitz, Andrei also neeted for a few years, so.. maybe I've changed a bit? Big doubt.

>>P9323
>I feel guilty buying outdoors equip and the like though cause I am still hikki
I'm just happy that my gear and supplies are there just in case, even if it's all a larp in the meantime. It's my insurance against the power/internet going down. Instead, I feel bad for paying for things that are 100% a waste, like car insurance. I drive so rarely, it's just throwing money away, and only because it's required by (((Law))).
>I climbed a couple of mountains(in solo)
See... you're not even larping compared to me. I love the cold, windy air and the feeling of being so far away from everything, but I've never climbed a mountain on foot. I'd like to live on a mountain, but I think I'd still want internet and power and running water. I've seen people that live like that, but they're all a lot richer than me.
>is there a connection between the comfiness of a hikki's room and the uncomfy wilderness?
I think so. I think all hikkis are descended from those ancient scholars of China who realized that everyone's gone full retard and they're fucking shit up, so they disappeared to live alone in the wilderness, oftentimes on a mountain that would later become some kind of holy site. I don't know how uncomfy it was for them, but we might find out soon enough.
>this my secret spot
Can you imagine sitting on the same philosophy-making rock as some ancient nipponese hikki? That spot looks too comfy to not want to sing and make poetry and invent paper for drawing hentai.
>Monero
Based.

>yea i cant really keep my power level down all the time, but if i started going on about how i dont have a phone or social media to avoid getting glowed and datamined by omnipresent trackers that will try to manipulate me and turn me into cattle and then try to redpill people on the metaphysics of cunny and tell them that all windows users are suckers and rant about how if they dont use gentoo they shouldnt even be allowed near a computer, they might think im a full blown schizo, which is not far from the truth
>i think there is a limit to how much of yourself you can show publicly without it backfiring
What you wrote certainly isn't the limit. Those things are all normal. No one would judge you for those things and it's not even schizo as well. I was only ever respected for those very same things, including the pedo stuff. You're giving them way to much credit.

P9431 meant for P9337

P9431
>including the pedo stuff
not him, but i sometime happen to rant about the excessive hatred pedos (not child molesters) are subjected to. i remember once at a dinner i mentioned the topic but quickly realized maybe it wasn't the best situation for that and automatically lowered my voice toward the end but then a girl loudly exclaimed: YEAH YEAH YOU ARE RIGHT ITS A SHAME POOR PEDOS
fucking lol
but everyone has his weak spot, i'm not so comfortable when it comes to exchanging numbers with a girl i just met and i can't be sure she won't act all retarded upon finding out i use a dumbphone (yea i have a mobile phone fucking normalfag huh). i just hate when people act like npcs, they don't look human anymore and i lose any hope of finding a common understanding.
like there are some people who seem to really like me but can't shut up about my lack of smartphones or social media, as soon as they say something about it my mood get worse, they sound more like an extention of big tech than real persons and i wonder why i let myself getting tricked into socializing with them, even if i know that's a stupid way of looking at it.

P9433
Lol that's pretty surprising for a girl to be the one to say something like that.
>i just hate when people act like npcs, they don't look human anymore and i lose any hope of finding a common understanding.
Same, it's the worst when they just cannot even think about certain topics and their minds just shut down. It's the worst with my dad. I can say certain words or bring up certain topics and he will completely disengage out of oversocialization. And the very same people who accept things like homosexuality/bisexuality can't extrapolate their understanding about those things over to something like pedophilia.
>like there are some people who seem to really like me but can't shut up about my lack of smartphones or social media
Yeah same experience. The worst is when they continually beg you to get it. Like you said, it's almost like they shill it harder than big tech themselves. Honestly I think so many people don't like it themselves deep down and when they meet someone outside of the paradigm it's like they can't stand it.
>and i wonder why i let myself getting tricked into socializing with them, even if i know that's a stupid way of looking at it.
The people who really like you (often because you're strange and different to them) are not people you would ever want to be true friends with, and you get caught up with them despite yourself. It's not a stupid way of looking at it either. It's like if people actually were going to judge you for something as innocuous as not having a phone (or having a dumbphone), using a different os, or unconventional opinions, is it really worth being friends with them at all? And then you do feel tricked into being friends with them. They'll like you for being different but the whole time insist that you become like them.
Also you'd be surprised, lots of people are moving away from social media. But you have to be really extroverted and social to really pick your friends, so often if an imageboard user does happen to make friends it's with people that are totally dissimilar to themselves. That is pretty much the real issue. Honestly if it really gets you down when they make a big deal out of it, you should make it into a joke somehow. But if you're hyperaware and insecure about your differences it doesn't help if it's continually thrust into your face 24/7, because by extension it probably reminds you about your other differences to them, and it's like a social acceptable way for them to constantly bring it up and rub it in your face. Personally, and I don't really know what makes me indifferent to the things they say, but it doesn't seem to effect me very much. Some of my extended family gives me shit for being a virgin to my face, and I'm early 20s. I think mainly because I don't view anything I do as abnormal...I think that's it tbh.

P8849 is a cute girl but we're nothing just worthless Satou-kuns so probably she should make us a new threads and hide us from ugly nanobullies plus it will make us happiness to know that a cute anime girl wants to save us from the conspiracy

P9434
>Lol that's pretty surprising for a girl to be the one to say something like that.
she is pretty cool indeed. although i'm not sure if it's really a gender thing, considering most of the hate comes from people who are morally compromised and need to look down on someone whose "crime" is even more frowned upon.
>if people actually were going to judge you for something as innocuous as not having a phone (or having a dumbphone), using a different os, or unconventional opinions
they don't judge me that much, they are simply mentally programmed to advertise big tech, and since i block ads on the internet i wonder why i shouldn't do the same IRL. the reason i feel bad isnt because i feel judged, it's because the quality of the interaction is lowered for stupid reasons, that's just sad, it's also sad how people can betray everything they believe (the persons i'm thinking about often take what they think are strong political or ethical stances) to embrace big tech.
i think it's stupid because i should be more indulgent, they are just confused and often they simply want to provoke me so that i will explain clearly to them why i made certain choices, but i have no patience for people who act this way, personally when i think someone has something to teach me i approach him in a complete different manner. i know i should make it into a joke, but i truly have no patience anymore.
>is it really worth being friends with them at all?
most people i know aren't like that, but it's annoying when i meet someone that could have something to offer me but then he start acting like that and i'm unable to just ignore it.
>Also you'd be surprised, lots of people are moving away from social media.
it's more the fact that i don't use any commercial IM software. doesn't help that i don't even like texting.
>But you have to be really extroverted and social to really pick your friends, so often if an imageboard user does happen to make friends it's with people that are totally dissimilar to themselves.
true. but i'm not that young so during the years i collected many acquaintances of different kind, the issue is that i tend to be the one judging them too harshly for all kind of reasons and regularly rejecting them, that's why i think i should be more tolerant.
>if you're insecure about your differences
tbh they make me feel dumb because i still bother to have a mobile phone at all, dumbphone are truly dumb. as i said, it's more about the hopelessness i feel when people act like golems sent by big corporations.
actually, insecurity arises when my choices gets in the way of something i could need, like for example money or [spoiler: women], because i start questioning them and feel dumb for being so rigid. most jobs requires you to get glowed at least little, and i feel bad when I reject an opportunity to make money simply for that reason alone. in the case of women i don't think it's actually such a big deal, but if you already tend to be a loner this aspect add another layer of complexity to the task, most people are so used to certain ways of communication that using different ones make interactions feel less smooth.
>laughing_anime_girls.png
i admit that wouldnt feel good lol.
>Some of my extended family gives me shit for being a virgin to my face, and I'm early 20s.
imagine that. glad to hear you don't give a fuck.

P9431
P9432
Think before you make assumptions that that particular person is sane, well-meaning, etc. He's not. He tries to be evil.

P9445
She looks really pretty in the op pic as well

P8849
>How are you holding up?
Alright. I just finished watching Azumanga Daioh, Lucky Star and reading Yotsuba&! What should I watch next? I like Azumanga Daioh the best, I was thinking of reading the manga as well, I might even buy it. Since I could buy the omnibus.
Also
[spoiler: Tomo is best girl]

P9409
>Often people use seedboxes to seed torrents
jesus christ im not gonna pay money just to commit a federal crime
>I have a Wacom tablet and it works fine on my Linux system.
hmm
>modinfo wacom
<license: GPL
>pacman -Si xf86-input-wacom
<Licenses: GPL
>pacman -Si libwacom
<Licenses: MIT
cool so it would probably work fine for me as well
which model do you have btw? i checked out the wacom store and i think i will pick the smallest one, i dont wanna spend much money on this only to fuck it up
also i was kinda surprised that the store loaded at all with js disabled, usually online stores just tell you to enable or show a blank screen
idk if you could actually make a purchase with it disabled tho, probably not, but if you could, props to them
>list of SBCs
why do you have so many? when you said i didnt use them for anything i thought you only had 2 or 3, but 8?
or maybe you had something specific in mind when you bought them?
>PDA project
sounds pretty hard to do tbh
i mean, sure you could just plug everything together, but making it all look pretty is gonna be hard, no? unless you intend to walk around with exposed circuits in your pocket?
also the batteries thing sounds like they will be a pain in the ass to solve, and depending on the size it will make the pda even thicker
and how would the keyboard go into the equation? something like a laptop that you can fold or will you just plug it in when needed?
maybe just going with a touchscreen approach might be better if you dont intend to program on it
id prefer to do the programming at home and only use whatever i already put in it while outside
and if i were to build my own idk if i would want network connectivity, id probably use it to keep notes, add stuff to the calendar, maybe takes pictures
would be pretty cool if the camera wasnt soldered in, so you could just hold the camera itself to take pictures and whatnot like a professional or something lol
also have a microphone attached to it
damn just how many USB port would you need for all that?
and for the batteries, would it be possible to add a solar cell to leave it charging in the sun?
the SBC would probably use a lot more power than a small panel could provide tho
>I committed the grave sin of handholding before marriage
s-same here, i once heldhands with i-interlocked fingers with a girl while walking around >///< and it felt pretty good
>must feel pretty soft and warm
it really does, and dont forget the smell, girls smell great
its not even just the perfume they wear, i once smelled a girl that was all sweaty and gross and holy shit i had no idea sweat could stink so good
like, i totally understand the armpitfags now
>cutting things and baking is particularly fun
i think its waiting for stuff on the over to great ready thats the most boring part
just sitting there to make sure it doesnt burn

P9431
>I was only ever respected for those very same things, including the pedo stuff.
wow ok you probably live in an enlightened society where cunnychads are understood to be kings
>You're giving them way to much credit.
yea maybe, but i dont really see much point in telling anyone any of that
i can go around talking about computer literacy and digital privacy, ppl will just say "ok" bc they have no idea what im talking about and go right back to posting their every move on social media bc i might as well be speaking greek to them
the one thing i dont understand is why even bother

P9433 (checked)
>can't shut up about my lack of smartphones or social media
yea man, it fucking bizarre how they [bold: demand] an explanation for not having a glowphone or using goycial media, like they arent the weird ones for exposing their wholes lives for everybody

P9434
>Honestly I think so many people don't like it themselves deep down and when they meet someone outside of the paradigm it's like they can't stand it.
it might be a defence mechanism
they hate it, but they use it bc they think there is no way to live in $CURRENT_YEAR society without a phone plugged into your anus feeding your shit to algorithms
then you come along, having none of that, and living pretty alright
so then that puts their entire lifestyle in question, bc if you can do it, they probably could too
but to make the change theyd need to change several aspects of their lives, which is uncomfortable and they dont wanna do it
obviously npcs arent self-aware enough to actually think all of that, this process happens mostly subconsciously
so them they start coping by shilling the supposed great advantages of joining the botnet
but they arent talking TO you, they are talking AT you, their scripted propaganda is actually meant for themselves

P9447
>insecurity arises when my choices gets in the way of something i could need, like for example money or [spoiler: women]
if it helps you cope, those would probably suck as well, and sacrificing your principles for shit like that is never worth it
>most people are so used to certain ways of communication that using different ones make interactions feel less smooth
deadass if a ho is only willing to talk over text she is not worth it
hell, scratch ho, any person like that is not worth trying to interact with
text is such a poor form of communication compared to all the others that i only use it with e-frens bc there is no other way
even compared to a voice-only dumbphone call, text cant even compete, emojis dont come even close to being enough to compensate the total lack of non-verbal language
but even phone calls are still shit, talking in person is what humans were made to do and using any other form of communication as anything other than a crutch when p2p [spoiler: person to person] is unavailable is retarded

P9461
danshi kokousei no nichijou
also nichijou
yuru yuri
asobi asobase
watamote

where alcohol @, where match @

where flames @

hello police?
id like to report a case of avatar theft

lol only now i understood what ANUSfag was trying to say with P9477 and P9478

P9480
explain

P9461
>What should I watch next?
Aria
Gochiusa
Non non biyori
Yama no susume

P9610
P9473
Thanks guys

Do you ever have delusions of grandeur? I always had and often still have.
Usually mine includes killing a bunch of people I don't like, let's keep it vague or admin will move my post, and reclaiming the entirety of Europe under a great empire led by me as the one and true emperor. I go very autistic with my delusions, I imagine all the small details about recruiting people in my secret revolutionary underground organization, about the cell organizations, about all the equipment necessary for the members, about communications and much more. I do plenty of research on the main targets to take out and the core infrastruture to conquer. I'm talking about Minecraft ofc ok? When I say I do research its on the Minecraft wiki.
When is it exactly the moment that a delusion becomes a plan? Maybe I just need some of the glownigger frens that post her to give a final push.

>Do you ever have delusions of grandeur?
yea sometimes i like to imagine that some girl out there is madly in love with me but is too shy to tell me

P9732
I was going to write a post about pacifism and non-violent protest but I've come to the conclusion that this post glows. Anyways, violence is bad. It never has constructive consequences. It is much better to reach people and change their minds. If your ideas are good you should be able to do this in the long run.

P9761
That's fucking hilarious. I was going to write about EU4 and CK2 before I came to the same conclusion. Anyway, violent video games are not a healthy outlet for sociopathic behavior. Only a college educated, government certified mental health professional has the tools and skills necessary to help you overcome your mental health issues through open dialogue and constructive cooperation. If you or a loved one are experiencing autism, recurring thoughts of violence, or delusions of grandeur, please remember that qualified professionals are always available and ready to help at www.fbi.gov

P9749
That's not a delusions of grandeur, that's just a delusion. Admin stop moving my posts for no reason even when I self censor you're starting to piss me off honestly.

P9258
i imagine you living not that far from the sea or some natural landscape.
do you enjoy nature? besides what the other anons wrote, nature is also complementary to the cyberspace, exploring the internet feels even more engaging to me after ive spent one or more hours in the forest or on the seashore. water is an ancient symbol of birth and thus hope and regeneration (see nge), being next to a stream or the sea gives me peace of mind, helps me to accept my circumstances and to make sense of the world. shouldnt be a surprise that one of the first greek philosophers cared so much about it.

P10583
meant to reply to this part of your post
>That's a really specific way of spending the morning.

P9255
>what bothers me is the principle
does missing this experience make you feel naive? while usually you dont feel more naive than the people you encounter in your life, in fact sometimes you feel relatively wise, insightful, even sophisticated. but nothing opposes this impression you have of yourself more than the fact that you are still a virgin, literally an uninitiated. is that the principle?
>and this too
I meant that to have sex at least once in your life isnt seen as something particularly hard to pull off, this means that people have no good reason to think that if you are a virgin its bc even if you really tried you would be uncapable to get a girl. in any case, i dont think its common for the people you meet in your life to speculate on your sexual experience.
>i didnt
we always do, even if we dont realize it, even if we were misguided by circumstances, we should hold ourselves responsible for what we have done with our life. you decided to focus on learning different stuff instead of trying everything that was in your power to get to first base, and i bet you didnt always had a teacher spoonfeeding you. how did you get good with computers? arent normalfags responsible for acting as outsourced dragnet surveillance? you sacrificed something in favour of something else, people who are more experienced than you in the sexual realm did the same.
and you decided to care about your first kiss so much that you didnt want to waste it. i believe most people dont act this way and they arent necessarily mistaken. first kisses are often unmemorable, while having sex for the first time is often associated with embarassing, if not worse, situations. you wanted to avoid this and it was the right choice for you. according to the feedback you have been receiving from your body and your mind you can decide to keep going with the same approach or to adjust it a little.
>growing old and regretting all the things i never did is what actually terrifies me
i think there is a good chance that what your older self would like to tell you is just to take it easy and not to worry so much, while still remaining true to yourself, of course, but what that entails isnt always crystal clear.
>losing my kiss virginity after my 20s is fucking sad
personally i never cared about my first kiss, ive always seen it as a necessary step to get to the interesting part. not having experienced teenage love outside of your head can make you feel pretty fucking sad, this doesnt mean you wont get over it.
>what i feel is sadness and also dejected for having to do everything on my own
you need to learn how to ask for help and to look for it.

P10762
>does missing this experience make you feel naive?
yea
>while usually you dont feel more naive than the people you encounter in your life, in fact sometimes you feel relatively wise, insightful, even sophisticated.
lol no
i actually feel dumber than everyone else nowadays
there was a time i was a smug bastard who though he was smarter than everybody else, but i was a teenager, so it was probably just a phase
then i learned that being book smart is worthless in the real world, and im a total retard when it comes to everything else
>but nothing opposes this impression you have of yourself more than the fact that you are still a virgin
well, it is one factor for sure, but there are several other aspects of life that i have zero idea how they work too
like socialization, job, and traveling
just to name few
i had to take the bus the other day and i never know how that works bc i only do that once every god knows how many years, meanwhile everyone else seems to have public transportation figured out
you can say its because they take the bus everyday or whatever, but i actually went with someone else who also doesnt travel much and who thankfully helped with the process
its always like this, im too retarded to do anything on my own
>is that the principle?
wtf no
have you even been reading my posts?
the principle is that i want something and i cant get it no matter how hard i try, it makes me feel like an incompetent failure
>this means that people have no good reason to think that if you are a virgin
yea i figured as much already
ppl go around assuming i date a lot of girls even though im scoring zero
>i dont think its common for the people you meet in your life to speculate on your sexual experience.
im pretty sure i was talking about family, but sure
>how did you get good with computers?
went to CS university
sure, most of it i learned on my own, but it all started with someone teaching me the basics so then i could on my own 2 legs
even getting into computers for the very first time i had my dad teach me how to operate it
i never just started learning anything out of the blue without a tutor in my life
i can study on my own once i learn enough, but starting from zero is where its at
>people who are more experienced than you in the sexual realm did the same.
if i had any clue at all AT ALL how to even begin, i could probably function by myself
but no, like i said, i never even got [bold: the talk] from my parents
>and you decided to care about your first kiss so much that you didnt want to waste it
why do you assume i "decided" to be a bitchass nigga? i didnt ask to be born like this
im simply not comfortable kissing random ppl i dont know, did i choose that?
and i dont know anyone im comfortable kissing, did i choose that?
my personalty repulses pretty much every new person i meet, did i choose that?
>i believe most people dont act this way and they arent necessarily mistaken
dude i dont even care to have my first kiss with the love of my life or whatever
i just dont know anyone id trust with not making fun of me for my terrible performance
are also gonna say i chose to have bitchboy psychology?
scratch that, i actually dont know anyone willing to kiss me, so my preference does not matter
being a bad kisser doesnt even matter if there is noone to kiss
>according to the feedback you have been receiving from your body and your mind
my body tells me to lay down, my mind tell me to kill myself
so yea idk if i should take that into consideration next time i decided to go out into the frontlines
>your older self would like to tell you is just to take it easy and not to worry so much
bullshit
bc what i would say to my younger self is to get his ass of the computer and into the real world
i have no reason to believe my older self is gonna be any gentler
>while still remaining true to yourself
dude ew i dont wanna remain true to a faggot
>you need to learn how to ask for help and to look for it
thank you for the tip, o wise guru
any concrete help on how to, tho?

ugh talking about this makes me wanna vomit no cap
i thought when ppl said that they were just being dramatic but its real

sometimes i really wish i could just turn myself into a pickle
pickles dont struggle with existential dread
pickles dont care about the end of the world
pickles dont fear death
pickles dont experience anything but boundless tranquility
pickles dont suffer
pickles simply are
the pickle is the ideal being, unburdened by the frivolities of consciousness

P10794 I prefer cucumber, thanks.

Today I went outside. I actually like going outside, I just don't like people. Now that its starting to get colder they mostly stay home. At 5am this morning I went on a peaceful walk alone in the freezing dark and I didn't see a single person. There were a few cars that passed by, but I managed to avoid their lights. I love winter. Everything else hides from the cold except me. The cold kills all the bugs. The darkness makes all the daywalkers hide. The silence makes it easy to hear even when a raccoon is following you. I wish we could have a nuclear winter so I could wander the ruins of the world alone like in girls last tour. The world is really beautiful without people.

P13198
I like outside too, especially nature. I don't hate people, though. What I hate is the way most people walk around. They talk to their friends, or they're on their phones, or they walk in slow motion when I'm right behind them, or they're playing music so loudly out of their earbuds that I can hear the shitty rap music as I walk past. It feels like I'm the only person who exists in the moment.
If I went for a walk at 5am and saw another anon walk past just for the pleasure of it, I'd be happy to see a kindred spirit. It's all these oversocialized people that make the world so ugly, humans are just as beautiful as the world around them when they act as individuals with unique thoughts and ideas rather than just another NPC in the societal hivemind.
[spoiler: girls last tour world would be nice too though]